Walk through a high school today and you’ll notice a shift: boys spritzing cologne in the locker room, styling their hair before first period, and paying more attention to grooming than previous generations may have at the same age. At first glance, it might look like vanity, but beneath the surface are two powerful developmental drives: the need to belong and the need to individuate.

Belonging: Coloring Inside the Lines

High school is a time when peer approval feels make-or-break. Conforming to grooming trends — the right sneakers, the “fresh cut,” the recognizable cologne — is often less about fashion and more about acceptance.

Coloring inside the lines here means aligning with social norms in order to feel included. This can bring important benefits:

– Confidence in crowded hallways: Looking the part can reduce social anxiety.
– Social currency: Grooming becomes shorthand for maturity, signaling readiness to be taken seriously.
– Shared identity: These visible cues can be a kind of uniform that says, “I’m part of this group.”

Individuating: Coloring Outside the Lines

Not every high school boy wants to play this game. Some reject grooming rituals outright, preferring shaggy hair, wrists donned with bracelets or tattoos conveying style preferences, or clothes that don’t fit the mainstream aesthetic. For them, coloring outside the lines is a way of saying, “I know who I am without needing to blend in.”

The payoff of resisting trends can be significant:
– Authenticity: Choosing self-expression over conformity.
– Creative identity: Whether through music, gaming, intellectualism, art, individuality becomes the badge of belonging in smaller, tighter friend groups.
– Resilience: Standing apart builds grit in the face of peer pressure.

A High School Boy’s Balancing Act
Healthy adolescence requires both the safety of belonging and the courage of individuation. A boy who only conforms may later struggle to know who he is, while a boy who only resists may feel isolated. High school is where both skills can be practiced. Just like in art, there’s beauty in coloring inside and outside the lines.

Privilege and Access: Who Gets to Choose?
It’s important to remember that access shapes participation in these trends.
– Resources: Not every family can afford grooming products, branded clothes, or trips to the barber every few weeks.
– Safety: In some schools or communities, standing out too much — or seeming “too polished” — can invite teasing or worse.
– Guidance: Some boys have parents, older siblings, or mentors teaching them how to navigate grooming, while others may not.

The real privilege is having the freedom to choose whether to color inside or outside the lines — and to have that choice respected by peers and adults.

What Parents Can Do
Sometimes, parents worry when their son seems to be “overdoing it” on either end of the spectrum:
– The Over-Conformer: If a boy seems obsessed with blending in — to the point of stress or anxiety if he can’t keep up — it may help to affirm his worth beyond appearance. Parents can encourage interests, skills, and friendships that don’t rely on trends. The message: You are valuable for who you are, not just how you look.
– The Over-Resister: If a boy rejects every norm, it could signal independence — or it could be a shield against insecurity. Parents can gently check in: “I notice you don’t care about [X]. Does it feel like a choice, or does it feel like it keeps you out?” The goal isn’t to push conformity, but to ensure resistance isn’t isolating him.

Both ends of the spectrum benefit from the same parental posture: curiosity, encouragement, and reassurance that their value isn’t contingent on how well they fit (or don’t fit) the mold.

A Word to Students

High school can feel like one big test of where you belong. Some days you might feel the pull to fit in completely; other days, you might feel like pushing against every expectation. Here’s the truth: both moves are part of figuring out who you are.

When you color inside the lines, you learn the comfort of community. When you color outside them, you discover the strength of individuality. The trick is not to get stuck in only one. The most vibrant high school experiences — and the strongest adult identities — come from practicing both.

So whether you’re carefully lining up your hairstyle in the mirror or proudly ignoring the trend altogether, remember: belonging and individuality aren’t opposites. Together, they create a picture that’s uniquely yours.